Stages Of Personality And The Impact Of Parental Divorce

Developmental State (Age)	Developmental Tasks	Characteristic Thoughts/Feelings/Behaviors			Needs/Interests
Preschool (1-4 years)	-becoming an individual - gaining autonomy -safe separation from parents	-regression; return to safer time -developmental lags -insecurity - confusion >	- clingy,whiny: separation fears -aggression/tantrums - nightmares/crying - sadness - abandonment fears	- "Mom/Dad left me." - "who will take care of me now? - "My family is gone." - "Mom's going to leave me too." - "I won't ever see Dad again."	- firm limits and support - secure, patient caretakers - verbal explanations and reassurances repeated - consistent and frequent contact with both parents - routines - help in verbalizing feelings
Early Childhood (3-7 years)	- developing initiative - managing impulse - sex role identifications - developing peer relationships	- regression: loss of previously gained skills - self-blame and guilt - reconciliation attempt - withdrawal or depression - loyalty conflicts - extreme neediness to undo loss	- defenseless and vulnerable - eating or sleeping disturbance - confusion - overly compliant; emotionally constricted - denial and inability to concentrate	- "I'm to blame." - "I'll get them back together." - "I have to choose one parent." - "If I don't talk about it, it will be okay."	- clear parental roles/values parental cooperation - frequent, continuing contact with same sex parent - predictable contacts - reassurance of love
Later Childhood (6-12 years)	- gaining personal competence - free energy from family concerns in order to experience friends, school, industry, and play	- little man/woman role taking - anger - somatic complaints - insecurity - increased restlessness - loneliness - school problems - acting out - confusion - intense anger at parent	- loyalty conflicts - perceived to blame - phobic fears - years for absent parent - depression/feels rejected - denial of all problems "responsible now" - passive/aggressive - low self-esteem, shame	- "Who am I now, without my family?" - "I'm the only one this has happened to." - "I blame Mon/Dad." - "Can I love both parents?" - "Who will be in charge here? I'm responsible now."	- stability/security at home - structured schedule - flexibility with visitation to allow for social time - lots of explanations - no school changes
Adolescence (12-23 years)	- separation and independence - developing own identity - sexual identity - peer involvement - return to family for emotional refueling		- involvement with antisocial activities - pessimism - confused - promiscuity - substance abuse - school failure/truancy - competition or over-identification with parent	- "Who am I now, without my family?" - "I'm the only one this has happened to." - "I blame Mon/Dad." - "Can I love both parents?" - "Who will be in charge here? I'm responsible now."	- emotional stability/maturity from parents - adequate/flexible parental controls - meaningful contact with parent - low levels of parental conflict - consulted, informed, heard - extended time with a parent unnecessary
Adult Children (18-death)	- establish place in world	- judgmental of parents - helpless - loyalty conflicts		- "If I go to Dad's for Thanksgiving, Mom will feel rejected." - "I'll avoid both of them."	- be kept out of the middle - maintenance of